Sap.

It breaks my heart to just be your friend. I know in my head that it's better to be halfway in your life than not in it at all, but you're still all I think about. You're what helps me sleep at night. When something excites me, you're the first person I want to share it with. But I stop myself. I stop myself from loving you because I don't want you to hate me anymore. Or have contempt for me anymore. That's what my love does to you. It makes you angry and bitter and unhappy. I want us to be a thing again so badly that it hurts. I need to be yours again so badly that I can actually feel my body yearning to be next to you. It aches in my chest like a wound. A wound that I'm not sure will heal. I feel your phantom hands around my waist and the emptiness around me chills me to the core. I miss your warmth. You're so happy and proud that we are friends again, but do you know that the ghost of your love haunts me every minute that my heart beats? I'm dying without you, and I feel so weak that this is my reality. I make fun of girls like me. I hate girls like me. But you've ruined me and what I stand for. My sanity is no longer mine. It is not my organic sanity. It is forced, given to me by therapists, self-help books, and what I know I should be feeling. My sanity is at a bare minimum to help me survive. And I can't ask you again. I can't plead and make a fool of myself again. So I'll just continue being your friend, and help you get happy. And slowly wither away in the process, while you are oblivious to my pain and my sorrow. This is how much I love you. I'm giving you all of me so that you can sleep peacefully at night.